Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Guilty of Sin but SAved by Grace = Psalm 32:5

On the brighter side, i'm counting down till 30 June when i can say sayonara to my JOB.Hais...i'm really tired,Jaded rather. I can't even help myself, yet i am able to help others. I do not practice what i preach sometimes and sometimes my words seems to help others more than it helps myself. Its good i suppose.But i've been in flight for too long; i really need somewhere to rest; someone to look out for me long time.Is this called the "DajieDEpressIonSynDroMe"?? i suppose. i need a timeout.Wafag, i'm just ranting i suppose. Too many issues to worry about at home,at work, outside work, him,them,it,myself...yes many issues.i still love all of you.

i do hope my parents will let be off to a short getaway to HK b4 my uni term starts. i need to get away. And i also hope MAs knows what he's doing.i feel guilty sometimes for being so naggy n pushy with his life plans; given that he's already very pressured at work. i don't know whether to voice or ignore the problems i foresee sometimes.I suppose its easier said than done when he tells me everytime not to worry about him. Bleah. As if maternal instincts with Daosa ain't enough...hais.

:) Marie's coming over to see daosa tmr. i sure look forward to it. She's dropping by after working hours since she happens 2b ard NTU.


Listening to:Mission ~ HYDE {Faith}

Seasons Call @ 10:31 PM

Monday, May 29, 2006

Guilty of Sin but SAved by Grace = Psalm 32:5

Don't you find it degrading,
That you can't find the strength
To Burn away your own rotten branches.
Heaven watches as its deceiving
The way you cry,the way you are
Dying to get him there where you want.

Be cruel now;
Salvation has no eyes for the indecisive.
Show me how
You could break away so cleanly that it hurts.
Yet so mild
You fake ignorance; so blur.so clear.You know i am here.

Surrender the consumption within
Day by day it eats away.But i pray
Someday you'd come to understand
I'm not the one in control.I watch
My foolishness, my emptiness, my pride
Washed out the door.I can't ask for more.

Forget i've said
Anything its not me who's speaking here.
Call it possession;
She's like a sleepwalker - aimless and immature
She's Joyful.
But neither her laughter nor tears are real.

The sooner you learn to ignore this,
The better. So she'll lose herself
And i'll be in power AGAIN.
I desire to move on but i don't know how
With my Otherside Dragging me down
To Share her pain.Let it rain

Seasons Call @ 10:45 AM

Friday, May 26, 2006

Guilty of Sin but SAved by Grace = Psalm 32:5

And another American Idol is crowned !!! xD
Actually i didn't really follow every episode closely.In my family, can you believe my parents follow the idol fever more closely than their own kids (age 20-15)??!!

"Soul Patrol!"

Taylor Hick so deserved the title.
This season was really hard to predict because all the singers from the 12 finalist onwards were all idols in their own right.Rocker Chris Daughtry and Sweet McPhee's a favourite for me too ;)

Anyways mum and i can't believe we're hooked onto the New look of Clay Aiken. Use to think he was just a skinny nerdy little brat who could sing but OMG!!! His new Black Mop look's to die for xP Quoted by some reported as "unkempt" and "college kid" look?? i don't think so.



Back to reality...
I'm really getting better from this week long flu; to all those who've been msging caring msgs ;) And i'm so glad Mas-chan finally got a perm job few days back.Geez...why should i?But yea,i really hope he stays in this one in the long term.Since he works only two streets away, i've got company to and fro from work to home.Yuppie~~!!
Likes the formal, hardworking, cool, neat hair wax-flat-down kind of Mas alot better.=P Seasons Call @ 8:41 AM

*debbie's losing her voice.Royally*
Yesh i've been hit by the flu,cough,sorethroat,everything you can think of...

Kboxing yesterday with Mas-chan was a blast.Haha...think we both got pretty high
Singing till our voices went croak.>.< i just hope the glass door was not see through from the outside cause we would have looked really ridiculous pouncing and jumping on the sofas.Talk about two little bundles of energy.

i took the day off today cause me and mum needed to take Baby to the vet.She's got this swell on her chest.It doesn't seem to bother her.She's still madly and actively playing with everyone.Little brat got cuddled to sleep yesterday evening by mas-chan.=P arggh...i'm gonna take a nap now. Going to meet Mas for Secret Recipe later in the evening.Having been having much sleep lately.Slept at 2am last night ):Ciao.

Currently working on another song and picture...will post it soon Seasons Call @ 5:11 PM

Narcissist Society...



My Baby has been givin' Him more attention than me.



And that was taken this wednesday...
Had to take half friday off to accompany mum to take Daosa to the vet for her first vaccination. Its gonna be a pay cut but i suppose anything is worth it for my baby...and i had no mood to work with mental pressure and physical pressure from previous thurs night's akido class. Had a really bad fall...which is like the third time so far. Damn!!

Saturday(getting lazy to type)
-Davinci Code with Guan and my sibling and cousins
-Carls Junior. MyBro is totally addicted to it now.
-Shopping with Guan after leaving the kiddos at the arcade
-Bought a pair of BLACK Dorothy Perkin jeans.Finally.
Its so damn hard to find pants for figures like mine X(
The ratio of tops and bottoms i buy are like 9:1
i swear !!
-Also bought an orange HalterNeck top at TOPSHOP X))
-Guan sacrifice her toes so that i could pick mas-chan up from his workplace to go home together. i love this girl for recommending me to all the sales too ;)
Sorry i had to let u go home on your own cuz the kiddos got too carried away with their arcade thingy.
-Loved the Hot chocolate from Starbucks mas-chan got us.
Cinnamon owns !! Chocolate powder is for babies =P
I know you'll read this.
-Had to wait a bloody 7min train just to get the Hot Chocolate to someone one stop away.Grr...

Sunday(today)
-Big Walk.Big Sun.Big HEadache now.Totally NOT feelin' well.
-Calvin....i dunno wot to say lah.how many Km did u go out off the whole 10KM??
sorry i couldn't follow up on your Ubin Plans cuz of my Gramp's Lunch gathering.
Goman X( Seasons Call @ 10:40 PM

Sorry folks i haven't been posting proper events cause i've been of very low spirit recently...

Tuesday: Went over to Calvin's to help out in some art stuff. Couldn't decide whether to gym or run. But the terrible smell of the gym made the choice for us. It began drizzling after a while of running.but oh well. A little rain never killed no body. And Toh Guan Road (the factory areas) is so scary. So many...urm...foreign MALE workers. With me in my exercise wear, i felt so damn uncomfortable we took a U-turn after 5 min in that freakish road.

Friday: TGIF TBIF: Thank Buddha its friday

LMAO its vesak day and thks to that its a public holiday. Yesh. Leave fom work without a pay cut.i'm too tired to plan anything today. All i'm gonna do is spend some quality time with my DaoSaDarlinKitty.
Here's some pics from my Family East Coast BBQ gathering in honor of mum's day...

Let's build sand castles...









My bro,sis and i






:)




-_-" Ryan strikes back





Vel and her Yeye




Smoke it up...







Saturday: It was real nice of Chris to travel all the way from AMK to CCK just to give me and yixin bible study and rush for his church commitments.
Was supp to go kbox with Ian but didn't expect his saturday class to end so early n bible study to end so late...so we ended up window shopping n dining at pizza hut ;) I got my favourite brand Nailpolish for mum -I.P.O Purple...hope she liked it.

Sunday: -Catch up on Sleep; got rid of some thrash in my room;etc

The whole week after that was screwed up...Health's getting from bad to worse.Damn i'm losing my voice. ON the brighter side, i met up with Mas on wednesday to hang out after work...it was really a relief off the difficult week at work... Seasons Call @ 5:01 PM

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6184&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=7>1=8134

Dreams = our current/potential lovelife? Seasons Call @ 10:47 AM

TORN ~Lyrics: Natalie Imbruglia~

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothing’s fine I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn

So I guess the fortune teller’s right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn. torn.

There’s nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn

I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I’m ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You’re a little late, I’m already torn Seasons Call @ 9:02 AM

oneNightStand~stitch&unstitch~ Lyrics by Debbie debSterz

My drench hair's geting in the way
When it get caught in the rain
Nothing seems to fall in place
This black-get-up silently echos pain.

This black Jacket covers all;
The bruises; the soiled scandal dress
I tried to recollect whats landed me in this mess...
Only to find myself naked on your floor.

Where are you? Where were you from?
One day you came and the next youre gone
I remember vividly your warm caresses
The created me anew, made me believe...

My throat's burning so badly
Damn it i'll just swallow a panadol or two
This lifestyle, this physical...mental aches
Isn't for me. There's gotta be more now.

Can this smoke give you eternal salvation?
One night youre relieve but the next day you're wasted.
I wish so badly youd earnestly kiss me again
Make me wishes to the stars worthwhile crying for...

Can we wake up and escape this nightmare?
One man at a time, another heartbreak to heal mine
But its not working and i should know better
Yet, everytime you come into my dreams....My eyes are open to the day's blurry rays... Seasons Call @ 5:15 PM

Apart ~ lyrics: debbie debsterz~

Daylight creeping through your blinds
I dread that scorching sight
We know this ain't real; You and me
Its about time we saw the light.

Im begging in silent screams
Night time teardrops ain't my thing
But i cant hold back forever
All i can do is smile and sing.

Please stay away from the light
Your silouette goes without a fight
I reached out to catch you back
Only to find myself awaken in my bed.

Dream or vision;
Doesn't matter
A moment of pleasure can't compare
Heard or forgotten;
Either ways its over
Gone is my stairway to heaven wtih thy lover.

Our time is slipping so fast
Like desert sand in an hour glass
I'm so sorry i failed to notice
So sorry i failed to make up for the mess...

Counting stars only resembles me
Remembering how many hearts have fallen
I could have caught your shooting star
If only you would let me go thus far... Seasons Call @ 5:02 PM

Decadence ~ Lyrics: DebbieDebster~

Dont try to fix me
Im not broken.
Dolly stitches, self-stitching will do.
Somehow the sound
Of thunder doesnt
Scare me…let the rain run…pass us by.

"Never live in regret"
I said; I cant believe
Im incapable of working what I preach.
Insomnia takes over
To reconsider
If what I did was right; if what you chose should be.

Good morning sweet sweet decadence
Thanks for waking me from peaceful dreams.
The sunshine has come too early; let me lie
Back into the night where nothing is like it seems.

Perhaps its evasion
Whatever it is,
Please understand its in dreams where wed meet again.
Day like reality
Divides me
For the One I desire; Just want to daydream in the rain….

Good morning wonderful pure decadence
Break into me, into this fragile fortress
Let me be numb to all others cruelty.
With you no one can touch me again.

Good night bittersweet decadence
By day we should have met again
But now theres been a change of plans
I’m taking things into my own hands.

Youre everybodys fool, so am I
Tonight things will be different.
We' ll be caged forever in eternal sleep…
Where the rain is silent…
Where the pain is ignorant…
Where we’ ll never decay by day. Because we immortalized far away… Seasons Call @ 2:21 PM

Does he like kids? It's written all over his face
Women can tell whether he's a family man, study finds

"Women looking for a long-term relationship like men who like children — and they can tell which guys might be interested in becoming fathers just by looking at their faces......Experts said evolution has apparently programmed women to recognize men who might be interested in propagating the species by raising a family...

...The study wasn’t all bad news for men not interested in settling down. It found found that women can look at men’s faces and figure out which of them have the highest testosterone levels. Those men — rated the most masculine by the women — turn out to be just the kind of guys they would want for a fling...

...The higher the women rated the men for masculinity, the higher they were rated as a potential short-term romantic partner. The higher they rated men for their interest in children, the higher they were rated for long-term romance....
for the complete article...
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/12705344/?GT1=8199 Seasons Call @ 9:07 AM

He made breakfast on monday morning...



She decided we should attempt baking cookies.

And it was a freakin disaster. I'm too embarrassed to post up the picture of the outcome * check out link : Vincent* If you're dying to know.



Sketched a piece adapted from this pic. Will post it up as soon as its done :) Seasons Call @ 6:52 PM

Mas and i got spotted by a professional photographer from Germany working for an international magazine. How cool is that !!! In the middle of the central business district...i wonder wot kind of magazine is that.Damn i should have asked for him name card.

Mazs-chan !!! Thks so much for Interview with a vampire DVD =)) You shouldn't have. And next time we eat out we'd better meet for dinner. i could tell the sun was unbearable for you, moi livin' vampire.

On the darker side... i just recalled a dream i had a night ago. it was painful, nightmarish and so so...Ugly. I dreamt myself the damn; a night creature; one who soars freely in the darkest skies. i'm unnoticed by the rowdy crowd and accompanied only by my faithful friend Kei; someone who's also of the others. We carried on, not bothering the activities of the living. But our peace was broken by another.Someone who appeared to seek vengence, someone forgotten from my dark and ugly past. A scent or presence was enough to stir my alertness. But i was restrained before i could command any supernatural forces. i struggled. i tried to fight. Even my companion could not help me. No matter how i fought i remain rooted at te same spot. i was beaten flat...literally onto the ground. the taste of blood and shame soon flowed and added to my angst. The strength to get up extinguished by another blow onto me...my entire body.Broken.Helpless. Even the burning heart cannot fight alone...My mind beared one blow after another until i was numb. In my blur, i thought of you.Only you could save me from this monster. You were there to save me before. Then, you failed to turn up once but i saved myself. Now...neither you or my strength is there to save me...I bleed and scream in anguish rather than pain...as i was beaten and beaten further to the ground.The thought of you and the lack of your presence made me invisible... Seasons Call @ 4:35 PM

Sunday. Urgh. That was yesterday.
Yea...monday blues creepin' into me again.*Swears*

Had a Last minute invitation/arrangement yesterday to catch MI3 with Mas,Daniel and jolin ( i hope i spelt it right; just knew her yesterday). I couldn't believe i'm watchimg Tom cruise because i kinda Hate him *hides away from T.C fans* but MI3 is the better of the lot of movies...at least until X3 and Davinci code comes on screen X)
Surprisingly the story for MI3 was way better than i expected.i actually enjoyed a T.C movie !!! *hyterical laughter* Liked the action and unpredictable plot...but loved that babe ;)

While half the cinema watched it for T.C, i'm proud to say i was hooked onto Sizzling HOT Maggie Q and that crimson dress...omg i feel so lesbian.

http://www.maggie-q.net/doc.html

Anyways...

Four of us caught a 7pm movie at Plaza Sing.






Had supper at LJS...






Damn this particular LJS outlet had such horrible service and staff attitude lah. There was trash all over the restaurant tables and floors. I took a peek at the kitchen while taking my order and the cleaniness is like crappy. I wonder how they got an 'A' Cert (Mas noticed it). The cashier was so shabby in taking daniel's order. And she even calculated Daniel's payment wrongly by a dollar.Oh well,Good for Dan. We waited forever for our food to be served and i even had to repeat our entire order 3 times on 3 seperate occasions to 3 different employees there. Don't they communicate with each other !!?? And extra cheese sause and complimentary fries wasnt enough to make up for all that jazz.i was so close to a Bitch fit.

Oh well thanks to the 'wonderful' wait at LJS i reached home way an hour pass my curfew...self set curfew. OH!!!! And i'm so glad Dan and Jo showed me the various weak points of Mazs-chan muahahahaa... It was just me and Mas taking the MRT so i think it was a rather torturous ride for my lil' vamp tween.*evil laughs* Thks for offering to walk me home but i'm safe on my own. if i weren't in one piece i wouldn't be posting now ;)

And sorry to Calvin. i missed your calls and couldn't accept your invitation to the movies cause i already had plans on sunday evening.And so get well soon. You were sick thats why tennis was cancelled so last minute on sunday morn.

Well i'm off to work...actually there's hardly any business today. Lookin' forward to lunch hour with Mas-chan. i really think its inconvenient for you but if u insist, i suppose i can't refuse good company.LOL Seasons Call @ 10:11 AM

<< Distance>>

<< A compilation of 2-3 songs and more editing... i wanted it to be perfect yet how can something so complex be explained in a single page; a single poem; a single song?>>

Sure its a long and weary road;
This far distance we're apart.
What corrodes the memory within
Is knowledge you right next to me...

##I'm losing you and your patience
It shall exhaust one day
How do i know if this 'friendship'
Ain;t a Facade doom to decay?

I can only desire but i can't Kiss
Those lip that i risk rejection from
This force prevents me from holding
You, cause i know your allowance is few...

As you carry on with what you do best
Have you notice the questioning gaze?
The one that never diverts away
The one so afraid your image will fade...

## You're so near yet so far away,
But i can only smile and look away
I'll make you smile someday...somehow
I'm not settled with polarity alone.

## I'm losing you and your patience
It will exhaust one day.Someday.
How do i know this 'friendship'
Ain't a facade doom to decay?

## I'm losing control losing pride
I'm benting on risk, walkin on thin ice.
Will i risk being the fallen;
Risk falling drowning in a painless winter chill...

Sure its long and weary road.
I could go the distance if you'd let me.
Yet i know i'll never get there
For i'm speechless in knowing you're beside me. Seasons Call @ 12:33 PM

Today can be considered one of the better or worse days of my life...for many many reasons. I spend the morning as usual getting awaken by Daosa's meowing and feeding/playing with her till her head grew heavy and slept on my chest =) Had breakfast with my family at my old childhood place clementi. Me got a little mood swing in the later part of the day when i thought i lost my temper for a while while rushing to meet a friend in town. Met Jinn to hang out in town in the mid afternoon for some sweet deserts at NYDC and pool at Mambo LP. Coincidentally met some SA art schoolmates at NYDC but i think i appear a little dao cause' didn't expect them there. Mas was on the way to town so met him while playing pool with Jinn at mambo. Actually, Mas wasn't as bad as he said himself to be at pool -_-". ALmost got royally thrashed by Jinn until he made a silly mistake.LOL. SIlly peach. Mas was surprise an ex-couple can actually get along find. i suppose he meant well.

On the darker side, there's so much left unsaid...

On the brighter side, glad my friends could make it to hang out ;)

Love Chippy's Fried Mars BArs !!!! XD
Mas bought us snacks so i got us some coffee since that poor thing had had more than half hour slp since last night. It was rather entertaining watching him get his haircut, watching wierd pple looking at both of us (guys and girls alike X) mayb cause we looked HOT); and crapping all the way back.
Thanks for the really nice Black ring !!!! ,,,^_^,,,
Checkout Masz's update lah...dun think i was datail nuff.


Took a bus from the MRT to Nana's hse for family gathering at clementi. Kinda got this wonderful nolstagic feeling as i walked through my old neighbourhood with the rain falling that evening. And yes...i'm using nana's com now so i better go and spend some quality time with my dearest cousins. Ciao.

If my eyes could speak, they'd send a prayer to heaven and maku you want to cry... ... Seasons Call @ 9:05 PM

I feel really fucked up right now. Pardon my language but seriously...nothing has been going right. Ok i exaggerated. Not nothing...Alot of things have been going wrong this 2 weeks.Alot.If i list them, it could go on and on. Seriously on the verge of eating myself alive. This insanity is fortunately contained by song writing, singing (or croaking?) and Comics. i'm still in the process of learning guitar. And i seriously can't wait till the day i can strum up my own tune and sing my hearts out.Literally. Where emotions come clean... no more hiding...no more deception...no more time bombs.

On the brighter side, i had a pretty good workout at the gym today with Calvin. Damn boy, i should have ran off with your house keys since u were silly nuff to take flight with my pink CD player. Pink and CAlvin.Sounds Gay. jokin lah!!!

Btw, the comic NANA is a tear jerker for me. And i have no idea why i love it. I'm finishing volume 5 so i can return all 5 books to Nana "herself".LOLx. can't wait to borrow more comics from you dearie. Little Nana (my cousin)'s room is like a manga haven man. okie off to write my songs now...and feed Daosa Baby. Seasons Call @ 11:05 PM

My I/Q is 124/130. i don't know how great or not so great is that.Arh well... will someone please enlighten my on average I/Q standards?

Yesterday's evening Jog with Calvin got both of us into really big trouble with our folks. We have a tendency for going to pretty dangerous places...this time, our route was from Jurong to Bukit Batok Nature reserve. The place was pretty spooky but i'm sure the hill view must have been beautiful in the morning. It was all dark so we couldn't see much in the lake or on the hills. NOnetheless it was amazing. LOL we're definitely hitting pulau Ubin within the next few months...its a sure thing =)
On the less brightside, we got carried away playing a fool at the nature reserve playground that it was almost 9pm when we realised it was very late and were gonna get into deep shiat -_-" The Jogging route back home slow cause we were so starved (we left dinner at home) and tired and decided to walk back halfway.Lookin forward to tennis this sunday with calvin and his friend ;)

I'm swearing here. i'm not going to keep up anymore late nights (except for the circumstance of kitty) because this bad habit is screwing up my appearance. i've been stoned for the past few mornings... Just today, my dress sense went totally hay-wire. My office wear today was a brown iora skirt and Gray newline blouse. Both pieces are like really nice but you put them together plus my bun up hair...damn i look like a highclass Ah-Soh/Auntie lah. I didn't notice till i walked past the blue reflection of the SIA Bldg and i thought damn you look shitty today. And i do feel crappy too.Taking a closer look at my almost-no-make-up face in the ladies mirrors didn't help too...*runs and hides* i'm not meeting anyone today !!! Seasons Call @ 10:23 AM

Yesterday, i was completely stone due to insufficient sleep. Nothing went right. my nailpolish got wrecked by kitty. Moi baby refuses to eat and sit still and loves hiding under furniture and giving my dad rude shocks of fur on his feet.My darlin now thinks the following is her enemy: her own shadow; the vacuumcleaner; the front door stopper; her feeding bottle...and the list goes on.

Met Ian for the first time in two years of Acquaintance for lunch at Subway, to tutor him literature and get some tips on playing the guitar from him. Watching HARDGAY was fun too on his PSP.LOLX. Utterly hilarious man. Due to the crazy weather, Ian and i could stay on the Esplanade roof for too long. Looks like there's a long way to go for me to master the Guitar. And there was this thing whereby alot of aunties and ahpeks were in polo T-shirts and almost everyone had some MILO merchandise on them: caps, Milo tins and flags,etc.I really had fun hanging out with you.Hope those notes were helpful =))

On the Otherside...It didn't make me fall...i'm the fallen by choice...
i actually created a tune for this =)) yuppie

-SDM-

Don't try to fix me i'm not broken
I'm just here for the moonshine dance
Sure, there is uncertainty
But why should it make any sense?

I'm in self destruction, not self deception
Holding onto the next beautiful stranger.
The One with eyes like the silver lining
The One with touch that's no use fightin.

I'm declared fallen.
This, i surrender.
We're lost in the misty darkness; let it dream
No Strings attached;
Livin' for the moment;
Taste something like last season's forbidden sweetness.

But the devil may care ...What if...

No i ain't takin no flowers no letters
I don't believe "i love yous"; "i'm lonely"
Not taking that kiss from those lips
But you can hold me as close as you want...

Coming together
With Souls of the Damned;
One Escape. Two people falling away to the ground.
I'm not believing
But i'm not missin' out
My minds clear and open. i'll let you take me tonight.

But not forever...As if you would...

My eyes are shut
From the demon's facade
But it opens to decay thats eating away...Yeah
You're my man
Only for the moment
I'd fly us away on angel's broken wings.

I'll sore the darkest skies...
Until SunRise... Seasons Call @ 2:39 PM