Friday, March 31, 2006

Guilty of Sin but SAved by Grace = Psalm 32:5

Currently trying to finish all my assignments so i can take half the day off. Urgh, Bloody headache. Of all days why does a headache have to hit me this monrning!! i've alot to attend to today and the weekend.

On the brighter side, i'll be lunching with my parents since i'd be missing them the whole wkend while i'm in KL (update when i get back, settling some admin stuff at SMU, getting a book the the National Library,going down to the Airport to see my Dearest, packing up from home and heading to Kranji t meet Marie and her guy friends.

This Headache better go soon =(

Seasons Call @ 11:01 AM

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Guilty of Sin but SAved by Grace = Psalm 32:5

Its funny the way life works. I was reading my old blog "oasisdreamer" from exactly a year ago and felt a sense of nolstagia. I won't give the full address of the old blog because it reflescts a ghost of who i use to be and would prefer watching it from afar than being in it. It's funny...

How one can love somebody one year and become bloodsuckin' enemies with them in the next

How one can fear an issue as such a big and formidable enemy in one year and stand triumphant in the next; only to laugh at herself from a year later.

How strangers in one year, can become lovers in the next.

How childish games in one year can become real consequences in the next.

How political friendships in one year can become close spiritual ones, unstained by selfish desires in the next

I've changed so much. For better or worse, i cannot deny the quizzical yet nolstagic feel to how life works and what life is...

On the calmer side...

I'm really happy for alot of things today.Here's the list:

1) i manage to convince my parents to let me go to K.L with Marie and her guyfriends!!!
2) Lunch appointment with my aunt today left me surprise cause she secretly called mummy dearest along to lunch with us.
3) Thai Beef Noodles at Golden Mile totally owns. Second time i
m having it and it still makes my belly happy.
4) By special request from Meimei, i got a huge bag of prawn crackers from GM.

Seasons Call @ 2:08 PM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Guilty of Sin but SAved by Grace = Psalm 32:5

Just completed NTU application. Halfway though SMU. NUS- bah!!!i cannot figure out parents sometimes. When i got my A level results, i was in such urgency to apply for University fearing i may forget about the dateline all together. i really wanted to get it off my chest. Mum was "like don't apply first, let dad do some insider research first ( yes, my dad works for MOE." and " lets discuss first". All this nonsense went on for almost two weeks until i became totally jaded.Guess what. Now their bugging me the whole week to "quickly get the application done" and i was like "tmr..tmr..". Wierd. Switched roles. I'm the laid back one and now there're panicking. XD

I spent my fri evening after work with Jinn who left for HK next sat morning =( oh well. i'll just be pathetic and watch desperate hsewives and ogle at this pic till he comes back lah



muahaha...wot nonsense. ive been sniffin' Jinn's clothes more often cause he always thinks he smells good but i don't think so.lolx i probably have a really sensitive nose. Silly peach's gonna get punished for leaving his camp too early last thurs *whips* (by his superiors...not me unfortunately lolx)




Spent saturday afternoon with marie.
Rushed down to bugis to meet her after my Gym workout. Boy her hair was redder than i thought. i'm gonna need a while to get use to it but nonetheless she looks so happening and fierce now !!! i like it !!!*thumbs up* Shopped till we dropped !!! i've got my manicure too!!!its so beautiful. Dear marie had to be my maid for the next one hour cause i was so paranoid by the manicure getting destroyed. So she had to carry my shopping, fish for my cash,etc *hugs* debbie loves Marie*** haha... i'm so not cut in for a TaiTai life.

I'm still wondering if the hollywood drink sellin at watsons really works. it says lose 2kg in one day.Didn't specify from where.

*silence*

Urr...*holds on to my boobies* i dun want to lose these precious.

Total damage: Two Black Tops...Gotta stop buying tops. Stop choosing Black.
No more tops!!!
Manicure with patterns...
A Watch...
Ouch!!
Neoprint (look above)
Akido fees. Handphone bills. Household contribution. etc etc
*Screams!!!!*
Blew 400 bucks and more!

Went off to family gathering at 6pm which i've been missing for almost a month and sang at KTV till 2pm. Sux. They updated their songlist for Chinese songs only!! Jap songlist was miserable. Anyway latenight partying lead to me wakin up at 1pm on a sunday morning. Feeling sucks. i cannot live this kind of life;Having to wake up late in the afternoon i mean... so yea. currently eating junk food, chocolate, icecream and talkin to my silly vamp friend online and trying to change my blogskin. Chao. Seasons Call @ 5:48 PM

You Are 68% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

Seasons Call @ 12:06 PM

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious. Overall, your true self is passionate and physical. With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless.

Seasons Call @ 5:28 PM

Uma carta silenciosa

As pontas de meus dedos não mais conseguem alcançar o distante céu noturno
Eu desfarei as estrelas bilhantes e as libertarei

Fique comigo até que eu durma
Não me solte dessa suave mão
Como quando eu era uma criança e poderia me perder...

Quando abri a janela hoje,
Eu ouvi os passos da estação
Ah, seu jeito e seu sorriso são tudo para mim

Fique comigo. o que eu devo fazer?
Talvez eu não consiga olhar para você gentilmente sempre
Como quando eu era uma criança e poderia me perder... despedidas são...

...eu estive pensando em você

Meu querido amor,
Cruzarei até mesmo os mais distantes oceanos com estes meus braços
E nunca temerei os dias tempestuosos
Você está sentido?
Entre a ascenção e a quebra das ondas, olhando para o céu...
O redemoinho de estrelas é bonito
Como quando eu era uma criança e poderia me perder... despedidas são... Seasons Call @ 3:04 PM

Saturday. Swimming was a bore as usual. I had Connection 33.3 to look forward to. Thanks CHristian, so much for inviting YX, Bei and i to that small cosy event at Salem Chapel. Its been a while since i attended SAturday youth Service. There was praise and worship, sermon, a skit-dance, really delicious food (greedy piggie me ;)) and very nice people who made this amazing event all possible. Had so much fun fooling around with the instruments and randomly singing hymns we know while Chris played the silver new piano. The Girls and i Left Salem at about 8plus.The night was still young so we decided to hang ard northpoint and bought some pastries.LOVE Fourleave Brownies.

Jinn Darlin, didn't mean to break your little heart by what i said. * attachs and plaster* i suppose i'm forgiven as you always do, do i think i think i should give you a BLURQUEEN-Branded plaster anyway.

Sunday. Join my parents for grocery shopping at TAKA ColdSTorage for the sole reason of throwing junk food into the trolley.Muahaha...THreww in Jelly...ingredients to make Jelly,chocolate,DARK chocolate, Beef Jerkies, Strawberry yogurt candy, etc. There was a blackout which turn out to be pretty comical cause there was this toddler running around and cheering when the lights went on.And its good. Cause i can dump more stuff into the trolley and go unnoticed. *snigger* Packed back Assorted Sushi,sashimi,scallop for lunch b4 rushin off to meet Jinn at Je at 2plus. Silly me was late again. Aiya, its only a matter of time b4 he goes nuts and bite my nose off o_O.

V for Vendetta was so ultra cool. ALot of artistic significance in the movie. Imagine London in a Farcist state after the Americans collapes.i still think GV has the best cinemas anywhere.Hanged out around City hall-Esplanade area. Got us at the right place at the wrong time lolx.Ended up at JE eating unhealthy food from the night market...we're eating unhealthy stuff 90% of the time we're out. We'd seriously become a fat couple as you said.Sunday ended with the rain and a really really close call with my folks *giggles* i shouldn't elaborate ^_^.

"you've seen me drunk, you've seen me in my morning sulk, you seen me at my weakest, you've seen me cry, if i were to hide anything else from my past, i doubt i'll ever succeed" i love you teddy. Seasons Call @ 7:12 PM

This is for my special someone. Its not you but me who is "hard to love". i suppose this would be your theme song to me, if you thought of it first.i suppose this is an light apology. i suppose its recognision of how you feel to love a difficult person =) Nonetheless i'm at glad to be under your wings.

"Why do you have to have to be so hard to love" - BRYAN ADAMS


Was It Some men who didn't treat you right?
Who left you waiting out for him in the middle of the night?
Is it some heartache that you can't out run?
What makes you so afraid to get close to anyone?

You're so easy to look at,
you're so easy to hold, yeah
so easy to touch you,
but so hard to let go
It's so easy to want you
That I can't get enough
Tell me, why do you have to be
why do you have to be, so hard to love?

Is it some hurt from long ago?
That it makes it so hard to let your feelings show?
Is it the ghost of who you used be?
That makes you so afraid, to bear your soul to me?

You're so easy to look at,
So easy to hold,
So easy to touch you honey
So hard to let go, Oh my love,
So easy to want you, that I can't get enough
Tell Me why do you have to be,
Why do you have to be,
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
Why do you have to be?
Tell me Yeah
why do have to be, so hard to love? Seasons Call @ 7:04 PM

Last Min plan this wednesday night to entertain Pam's School holidays after my office hours ;) Dinner at pasta mania, Pool at Mambo, Supper at Subway...i hope i was a good Jiejie lolx.

This Tuesday. Went for an interview in the morning after taking a full day leave of course. Got an offer at SPH but the nature of the job and the distance is just not worth it so kinda turned it down. Gotta spent less on my shopping habits cause' i've decided to pay for my own akido lesson which start some time in early april. dammit why did they have to demolish Buona Vista CC. Now i've problem finding a convenient nice Dojo. Met Jinn in the afternoon to a date for "Date Movie".Full of Crap as expected. Four Course Thai cuisine lunch at Marina. Durian curry puffs...wierd.Attempting to climb over the railing at espl rooftop which of course didn't succeed cuz somebody didn't want to be chased off by security guards like the last 3 times. Alot of nonsense. Gelare with Peaches. Seasons Call @ 9:56 PM

TOday:

Went to NUS/NTU open hse with dear Marie after my morning swim training. Had this crappy irritatin' relief instructor since Uncle Desmond was on M.C. Oh well... it was refreshin catching up with her and her life and we got most of our Qns ans-ed. Here comes the crucial desicion of picking faculties which i dread. Sneaked off to Jinn's later in the evening. This time... we cooked Steak and leftver onion rings and mixed vege prinkled with leftover Parmesan from last wk's cookin ( cuz lil' Peach dislikes his vege). You make me feel beautiful. I know i am, but you know what i mean ;)

Lookin forward to meeting Cherie and CArmen to SMU open hse to see what it has to offer. Movin on to some Jazz concert by Suzuki Ono in the evening with my aunt. Got lotsa free tix and there's no one yet cuz lil' Peach has his own Jazz concert at Esplanade. Seasons Call @ 1:15 AM

Your Kissing Purity Score: 34% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Seasons Call @ 2:52 PM

Your Fashion Designer Is

Christian Dior

Seasons Call @ 2:26 PM

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is low. You see love as a gift that you should give to many. It's hard for you to imagine being with one person at at time... Let alone one person for the rest of your life! Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is high. You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love. Having your own life is very important for you... Even more important than having a relationship.

Seasons Call @ 3:13 PM

As the raindrops sings their sorrows
Penetrating the sunlight; Dull as the Morning where it ends
The time moves far too slowly
As she lays below; A silent letter unsent is burdensome…

Stay with me.
The Daybreak won’t wait for our parting.
Read the signs in my eyes. My lips may lie.
The growing sounds of the daytime has probably…blocked out my silent confessions.
Two lost existence…

Alone in a crowded world, do they ever feel
Like they need someone to control all the madness within.
A touch from you will kill
And it will heal; A moment with you turns Sins to shame.

Stay with me.
Forget the Strong Façade you see here.
What’s a Tiger with Broken Wings and without Will?
Living for the moment, I don’t know how long before…You’d grow tired like dying stars
Falling from Raven skies…

Don’t turn away.
Forgive my incapacity to sing my love.
Can’t you see the longing in my eyes? Can the Fool be judged?
The Clutches of the returned Caresses can tell you… I need much more than innocent Promises Broken many time before …

Stay with me.
Now that you’ve awaken the Lover
Who’s Burning wild inside me there’s no turning back at all.
Extinguish all the Demons within me. I so fear to hurt you… This silence is best.
Sayonara wa…
I need your existence... Seasons Call @ 12:08 PM

Business minded and a natural leader, you are a canidate to be embraced by the Ventrue clan. You can be rather dominant with a high stamina however, you tend to have obsessive compulsive tendencies...especially when it comes to your food. You are the clan the others look to organize groups and factions. Generally princes are among this clan.

What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?

Test Created By

Artistic and maybe even a bit shallow, you belong to the clan of the Toredor. You have a keen eye for pretty things. The embrace is looked on as perserving all beautiful things for eternity. You are the sensual vampires that you hear people talk about that seduce to get what they want. This clan is the one thought of as being the spoiled sort who want to get what they want. However, you usually work right under the ventrue clan as they try to carry out their plans.

What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?

Test Created By

Seasons Call @ 10:41 PM

Currently workin on a song and a picture which miraculously didn't get caught in the rain when i accidentally crushed it in my bag few days back.

On the brighter side * blush* no matter how much in denial or how many anti-climax/wet blanket comments i make, i want to somehow make it known that you have made my heart beat again. When you came into my life, i was in fear of what may repeat yet i realise how much i missed being truly cared for by a Stranger-turn-Lover. i feel i want to create, nurture and live again at the presense of you. i love you too. i want it to work too but be patient with this perfectly flawed soul.

Stayed over at Jinn's place last saturday. Cooking Italian and as usual over eating and overbuying deserts and ingredients; XBox; Drinking at his Bar; staying up to watch DVDs; foolin around inside and outside the hse...i'll do it all over again and again.

As you probably inferred, i didn't get much slp on sat night..didn't think i slept till 5am. Got up at 9am with the sun shinning on our lazy arses from the attic window. With little...urm....energy, i was off to my Ema's hse for a birthday lunch for Dear Echong. THere was darlin Vel, Koji (the dog) and my older cousins that i miss so much ;) And GorGor Rany has Brokeback mountain!!! *drools* Heard from Ema(who surprisingly was full of praise for it) that the Gays "did alot more than hug and kiss each other"( Quoted by Ema). LOLX.i want some!!!!

Yea so basically i was totally zombified the whole sunday. Was hoping to catch a wink but the lunch lasted Quite awhile with Ema's 10 course Meal plus Tiramisu X)so didn't get much rest and left to meet Mas and Daniel almost immediately after that. Caught UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION with the two boys.Fantastic movie with really nice M18 scenes lolx. Thk Goodness my sis who's suppose to join us and sneak in, couldn't make it *giggles* it'll b so inappropriate.Dinner at SUki.Goin out with both of you is like a 20 yr old hanging out with two 16 yr old schoolbois ;)

Daniel was like this adorable hamster boy. * i hope he doesn't read this somehow thru Mas's blog-Link* And Mas...nice blue eyes but i prefer the original browns.Hope i didn't intimidate too much with my unsuspectingly harmless brown eyes ;)Btw the idea of you and me being a HYDE&GACKT Pair ain't a bad idea.lolx. Daniel will be lonely though...*giggles* Seasons Call @ 10:19 PM

Fuckin pissed off there are still pple in this world who treat pple so shabbily. I'm not a booty call. You know what u did and what should've been done.Not jus to me but everyone else. Look in the mirror. You know where you stand and wat u deserve. Call me a bitch or a coward. i'm both. Really. Either ways i've my own life and it has no part left for you. i know you will read this. And please get the picture. Move on and start loving pple who still love you. We don't love each other anymore but i'm not heartless. Please Piece your life back together... i did it. So can you. i want to see you a better person for someone else who will love you.She will.

"Scars"

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life Seasons Call @ 10:05 PM

I've been so up tight lately i haven't been able to update this blog on las wkend.

Saturday. Ivan and i caught Memoirs of A Geisha at Cine. Having read the book before, the movie definitely wasn't as sensual and precise as the book.Nonetheless it was a great movie on its own. Gong Li was so bloody impressive XD Despite playing the villian Hatsumomo, i can't help but feel her acting evoked my sympathy. One of the better Hollywood-adaptation-of-Asian-Stories yet...

Sunday. Yuppie, my first baking success.eh..i don't think it tasted fantastic but at least it wasn't burnt or fallen apart like my previous try(s). Given my bad reputation, no one in the family even wants to give it a sniff =( *sobs* its edible!!! well duh...i need the help of Jinn and Karen to reach this stage. hais...i'll make a terrible homemaker. yes i will. It was pretty fun catching up with dear Karen and teaching her Photoshop element and letting her distort my face. lolx.Gave my lil sister 10 bucks cuz she wanted to buy this bag from a night market nearby. Found out after my evening with Jinn that that Nasty girl came home with Two bags afterwards.-_-"

i love my boss. He's always letting me take leave. *holds back the abusive-side*o_O

Took the day off yesterday (thursday). i thought. if i did badly in the A levels i shall spend the day resting. if i did well i shall slp in anyway and celeb. Jinn came over yesterday afternoon so we basically hang out and yea...you'd probably know whats going on now...Overate during lunch at Maxwell cuz silly debbie ordered on impulse.

Jinn you're an addicted, selfish,whiney, adorable ,scratchable, spankable bruised Peach and i love it *giggles* Seasons Call @ 3:51 PM

Its Euphoria dangerously contained in calm and contained features...
Its Maddenning... i could explode and die twenty times... Broken and Pieced again...

A- History
B- Literature
B- Economics
A2- GP
A2- AO MAth

Call it arrogance. Call it Pride. Whatever.

Very little pple understand the humiliation and discrimination of starting low and falling further down and hard. Even less understand the guilt and pain from watching your loved ones discriminated by the judgmental society because one person made a foolish innocent mistake. A mistake which the Local Edu System won't wait. Fuck it.

The joy i feel right now isn't merely of personal achievement, self discovery and all that terms pple use when they're concentrating on their own goals. The Joy i feel is not of innocence and purity but parly of vengence and greed. Judge me, lecture me for being such a bitch on this but can u blame a child who has just escaped the "City of God" into New York City with a Gun in one hand, Cash in the other and Blood on both?? Do you know what is the "City of God" in metophorical terms??

I feel i can now protect those pple like my mum, my siblng, represent all my friends who shared my joy and pain in the small world of N(A) students. I feel i have finally made A BIG BANG. Scoring in the O levels and being the only N(A) girl in collage was an achievement. But its only temporary triumph as i faced further discrimination and failures in the bigger world of collage students. i was a big fish in a small pond brought into the wide open sea with bigger fishes around. Now i've grown to prove to be a bigger fish able to handle this open sea...

While it is a finish line accomplished, its a starting point to the OCEAN...

While i feel i can rest in someone's arms under its WINGS, yet i have grown a pair of WINGS of my own ready to sore...to protect...to shun all the cruelty people has put me and most importantly, my family,through... Seasons Call @ 11:19 AM