its farewell assembly tmr and i dunno haw to look at it. i'll still be returning to sch few times a week for consultation and non-compulsory makeup lectures but there will be no more timetable or formal school practices. i'm not exactly attached to my current school but i can't help thinking or fearing the time i will see them irregulatly...hais...
i know i've bitched on terrible things about the place and some pple there but i really can't help being attached to it (though its not a strong, but a little resentful,yet nolstagic sort of attachment). i'm online now sorting some mails and i saw his msn title. it looked as if someone dear to him has passed away=( if so, i wish i could comfort him and i'd feel bad not replying his "hi"s...but i'm really headstrong about severing all attachments with him. if anyone knew how easily emotional i get and what i've been through, they'd understand.For sure.

Stress has enquired an expensive taste among my friends and i.Guess where we lunched out today? Swensens!!! and Pretty pricey ice cream after that lunch. We managed to shop for a gypsy-like brown necklace for the econs teacher and champagne chocolate for our sohisticated lit teacher =) oh well. i better go pack my camera and some notes i owe cheryl. Seasons Call @ 7:13 PM

what am i doing with my life? really.sometimes i ask myself, not aimlessly but out of the blue. i know what i'm doing with my life...sure i do. But sometimes i ask hat stupid Qn subconsiously....its like a daydream or a hypnosis and i just "white out" become a different person and ask myself, "what am i doing with my life?"

its been three weeks since we last spoke. its been months since we're officially separated as lovers but now i or we don't even want to speak to each other anymore.Three weeks. i know we ended as "just friends" and since we broke up, emotions always got the better of us and we start acting like a couple again until one of us draws the line and reminds us of the reality of our official split and to keep to it. i've been feeling empty all this while but at least i got to see you and laugh and play and sometimes indulge in the fact that i could still hold you even until my conscience or you remind me we gotta be discipline to our choices. Now, its been three weeks. i still feel empty and i can see the emptiness. At least before three weeks ago and after we broke up, i felt empty but the lines were blur and i couldn't see the real emptiness. But now i see it. White and clear. Reason why i'm having this blog annomynous (for now as of 10/10/05) is that i didnt want you to read all this in my previous blog which is growing cobwebs. i love you. i do. Yet, i cannot live with the reminder of all the cruel ways you treated me. everytime i tell you, you are only concern with convincing me why i shouldn't think so and nothings else. Part of me wonder what you've been doing these three weeks. Maybe its out of concern. But maybe its also with curiousity. Why do you never change? when have you ever feared the fear of not having a last chance? Last chance was given so many times. Yet, i threathen like a lamb. i say its the last but i always gave in. Thats why this time i gotta keep it as the last. The last chance that you blew.You blew it all.When will you ever understand how little time you have? BEsides that, do you even care...you say "you don't know what to say so you won't" well. leave it that way then. Seasons Call @ 10:11 PM

haha...is this a morbid laugh because of the feel of hopelessness or an wierd laguhter that mad pple just do all the time? lolx, SUBWAY again with Evon and Beiru *hole in wallet* this is the second time this week and the seventh time in the last month =) SUBWAY freak. Friends sometimes are little lights of joy in this midst of stress. poor cherie's got a flu. YIxin!!! My Essay!!!

Its been pretty mad arranging consultation and planning,planning and more planning. well...doing unnecessary things for others. oh well... i think its only few more days of tolerance before i get out of the "shithole" and play things by my rules. hmm...actually things are already going my way. well, lets just say pple are xtra nice and helpful when they need favours. humans.i'm NOT talking about friends i help and help me in return, i mean those dreadful idiots who made my 2 years a miserable and screwed up one because some pple just can't mine their own business and let off the private lives of others.if they wanna play all that political shit, swim in it themselves. i shouldn't mention names and get SUED for it.*bites lips* few more days...

it was pretty relaxing getting some planning done and chewing on delicious and sinful cookies with my family while we watch our regular friday TV. last episode!!! No more dedication to any drama serial except for "LOST" and "AS TOLD BY GINGER".lolz, sorri can't help it
=)

" its time to face the truth cuz i'll never be with you " Seasons Call @ 11:07 PM

i think i'm spending like most of my money on food,food and more food. Yesterday, the Sisterhood went to harbourfront for Subway. i ate an entire foot-long sandwich again!!! And Evon called me a little PIG.lolx. And 5 subway cookies *droolx* which i brought home to snack on with my family ^_^x. There's so many things i want to buy but i'm not because i don't want any distractions from the coming exams, such as the rings from some gift shop i visited with my friends. Monday? Ate healthy at MOS. I think i've spent too much on snack...healthy snacks of course. i've been snacking on durian puffs (today), cookies, vegetable juice, oranges and grapes =) healthy snacking is needed or i'll gain the pounds by the time the exams are over =) oh well, gtg now. i had terrible cramps this morning but i think things went pretty wwell today, i'm a happy person. lolx. Seasons Call @ 9:51 PM

i thought the song "you're beautiful" was pretty...well...beautiful. it sounded kinda "love at first sight" and "puppy love" sorta thing. its not my thing. Really. In fact it was rather humourous the guy stripped in the snow and jumped into the ocean in the MTV. However...when i heard the soulful singing of the last two lines....i cried.those last two lines...meant so much to me.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you. Seasons Call @ 10:00 PM